Friday, December 28, 2012

Here We Go Again!

I am back with a renewed spirit of transformation for this blog! With everything that has gone on this last year and a half I feel the desire to change the intent of this blog from inspiring parenting ramblings to life as a single mother.

I have felt such a need to just type, write, release the feelings I've had, not limited to frustration but also to the funny, confusing and altogether entertaining aspects of life. I hope you all can relate!

I have prepared a few blog entries that I will post over the next few days, the first one being posted tomorrow morning. So, welcome back to my blog! I'm sure we'll have some fun around here!

If there are any topics you would be interested to hear my take on please email me! I'd love to hear from you!
Being single means, yes, I date. Let me tell you, it's not easy finding a decent guy! If you go online you run the risk of dating a complete psycho who looks nothing like his profile photos. If you meet them at a club, chances are they just want to hook up. You meet them at church and they're married (of course, all good Christians have good marriages... or at least won't admit it if they aren't all sunshine and roses). Besides, what's the likelihood of actually meeting someone who is actually single just in every day life (and if you know how I wouldn't mind a tip or 2, lol).

I've dated men in several different catagories. The friend, the friend's friend, the guy I just met somewhere and, well look at that, he's single and cute! I've also dated several men from the internet, each one unique in his own way. There was the one that ended up a good friend, the ones that just wanted sex, the good friend that originally wanted sex then changed his attitude when he realized I wasn't up for it, the clinger, the hippie, the critic, the good guy gone bad.

I met the friend on a photo shoot. He seemed nice, we had a common interest, though I wasn't completely attracted to him, we got along. We dated for 4 months, but soon I realized that having that common interest led to competition. Yeah, that didn't work out so well. The friend's friend ended up more interested in my friend than in me. He wanted to get in good with her so jumped at the chance to spend any time with her, even if it meant a double date.... with her and her boyfriend. The guy I happened to meet somewhere, well, we never really hit it off. He seemed nice in the 10 minutes before he asked me out, but once we were on the first (and only) date the conversation was just dead. The one that ended up a good friend is still just that almost a year later. My first online dating experience and, well, he seemed nice. We just didn't work as a couple from the start so we never really tried but we would hike and hang out. Another one that ended up a good friend originally propositioned me then backpeddled when he realized we were talking about 2 completely different topics. Mr Clingy told me he loved me on the second date, started talking about marriage, by the 3rd and became controlling by the 4th. Nope, he didn't last long either. The hippie didn't mention to divulge the fact that he's a vegan prior to taking me out to dinner where, after I ordered chicken, he ordered tofu and talked about living on a commune. The critic had an opinion about absolutely everything. And I mean EVERYTHING! Let me tell you, none of the opinions were good. The good guy gone bad was just amazing... at first. He seemed to be everything I was looking for in a man! He was kind, intelligent, interested in the same subjects as me, hard working, a good father, adored my kids. Then after about 5 months changed his tune and decided he wasn't as into me as he was originally... after finding out I was pregnant with his baby. That one stung.

I've gone back and forth in my stance on being single. Most of the time I'm content. I'm just happy to be alive. Other times I get lonely and just want arms around me, holding me, and someone bigger than me sitting next to me on the couch. Yet, other times I am outright proud to be single and relish in how much freedom I have.

Being a single mom is tough, but I'll take that over a bad relationship any day!

Monday, March 26, 2012

I'm back!

After a rather eventful several months I'm back. There have been many ups and downs, the ever present battles I have been fighting rage on and I'm somehow making it through everything with a genuine smile on my face.

The truth is, despite everything that's going on in my life, I'm happy. Storms come, but they pass. I know that the sun is always just behind those clouds and it's only a matter of seeing the small rays of light that break through and holding onto them. It's remembering the warmth of those isolated rays after they've faded into gloom. It's finding shelter in the night, the darkest part of the storm, knowing that it's only temporary and eventually everything will be ok.

It doesn't really matter what my current storm is. All that matters is the fact that I'm alive and well. Someday, everything that has been wearing me down will show to be that which is strengthening me for something big.